There are two ways of thinking about the course of your life: either it happens to you (you go along with whatever happens) or you choose to shape it the way you want it.
Too many people go through life thinking they are powerless to what happens. They spend the majority of their day doing activities they don't enjoy, are stressed about the results of those activities and then wonder why they aren't happy. We all know adults who work jobs they hate, are constantly stressed about money, rarely have time to spend with their family and walk around miserable. What many people don't realize is that they've made the choice to allow their life to be set up like this. We get to choose how our daily life is designed. To do this, however, we need to know what's important to us...what our belief system is. By understanding our belief system--our "non-negotiables" or the absolute priorities in our life--we can begin to design our day and, in turn, our lives to align with what's truly important to us. Living life according to your priorities is how one become truly happy and fulfilled. Belief systems change as we change. I suggest spending some quiet, alone time every six months or so reflecting on the following activity. Once you know your belief system, you can begin to make choices about your life to actually build the life you want to live. Whether it's joining clubs that focus on your priorities, finding friends with similar belief systems, choosing a major in college or deciding what you want your career to be when you grow up, understanding your belief system is the most important step to design your life on your terms--the way you want it. What's more, just imahine
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If there is one secret to growing as a human being, I believe it is this: ask questions.
Asking questions is how we stand any chance of getting what we want and it is how we gain knowledge and experience. So what holds us back from asking? I believe two things: 1. Fear of looking "dumb" 2. Fear that we "should" already know something The first fear is simple. We've all had the experience of sitting in class feeling like the only one that doesn't "get it". It's easy to tell ourselves "If I don't understand, I'm sure there are a lot of others that don't either," but sometimes that's not enough motivation to speak up. Instead, we can change our mindset. It takes courage to ask for help. It takes a leader. Next time, try having the following conversation in your head: "OK, i have two choices: 1) speak up and get help or 2) be afraid to ask and risk failing. Which is more important to me: risking feeling vulnerable or getting the help I need? Clearly getting help is in my best interest. So, I'm going to be a leader. I know others need help and don't have the self-confidence to speak up, so I'm going to lead by example." The second fear, I believe, is what holds us back the most. I know this is the one I can most relate to. When I went to Interlochen, I went from being the best in Florida to being one of the worst ones there. Talk about a blow to my ego! Suddenly I found myself surrounded by people my own age with skills way above and beyond mine. The thing is, these kids were my friends. Looking back, I could have easily asked them to practice with me, to show me how they practiced, to help me with techniques I wanted to learn, etc. Instead, however, I felt like I "should" have already known all that stuff...so I didn't ask. Who got hurt by not asking for help? Only me. I'm sure my friends would have been more than happy to show me what they knew. In fact, they probably would have taken me asking as a compliment! But my ego--my feeling that I "should" already know the material--got in my way and I didn't. It takes courage to put our ego aside and ask for help. A technique I like to use is to think of it like this: Before you ask for something, you don't have it anyway, whether that thing is a physical object you want or an answer to a question you have. If the person you ask says no, you didn't lose anything--you still don't have the thing. But if they say yes, you've gained something. In other words, you have nothing to lose (except maybe a momentarily bruised ego) and everything to gain by asking for what you want. |
AuthorWrite something about yourself. No need to be fancy, just an overview. Archives
October 2017
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