There are two ways of thinking about the course of your life: either it happens to you (you go along with whatever happens) or you choose to shape it the way you want it.
Too many people go through life thinking they are powerless to what happens. They spend the majority of their day doing activities they don't enjoy, are stressed about the results of those activities and then wonder why they aren't happy. We all know adults who work jobs they hate, are constantly stressed about money, rarely have time to spend with their family and walk around miserable. What many people don't realize is that they've made the choice to allow their life to be set up like this. We get to choose how our daily life is designed. To do this, however, we need to know what's important to us...what our belief system is. By understanding our belief system--our "non-negotiables" or the absolute priorities in our life--we can begin to design our day and, in turn, our lives to align with what's truly important to us. Living life according to your priorities is how one become truly happy and fulfilled. Belief systems change as we change. I suggest spending some quiet, alone time every six months or so reflecting on the following activity. Once you know your belief system, you can begin to make choices about your life to actually build the life you want to live. Whether it's joining clubs that focus on your priorities, finding friends with similar belief systems, choosing a major in college or deciding what you want your career to be when you grow up, understanding your belief system is the most important step to design your life on your terms--the way you want it. What's more, just imahine
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If there is one secret to growing as a human being, I believe it is this: ask questions.
Asking questions is how we stand any chance of getting what we want and it is how we gain knowledge and experience. So what holds us back from asking? I believe two things: 1. Fear of looking "dumb" 2. Fear that we "should" already know something The first fear is simple. We've all had the experience of sitting in class feeling like the only one that doesn't "get it". It's easy to tell ourselves "If I don't understand, I'm sure there are a lot of others that don't either," but sometimes that's not enough motivation to speak up. Instead, we can change our mindset. It takes courage to ask for help. It takes a leader. Next time, try having the following conversation in your head: "OK, i have two choices: 1) speak up and get help or 2) be afraid to ask and risk failing. Which is more important to me: risking feeling vulnerable or getting the help I need? Clearly getting help is in my best interest. So, I'm going to be a leader. I know others need help and don't have the self-confidence to speak up, so I'm going to lead by example." The second fear, I believe, is what holds us back the most. I know this is the one I can most relate to. When I went to Interlochen, I went from being the best in Florida to being one of the worst ones there. Talk about a blow to my ego! Suddenly I found myself surrounded by people my own age with skills way above and beyond mine. The thing is, these kids were my friends. Looking back, I could have easily asked them to practice with me, to show me how they practiced, to help me with techniques I wanted to learn, etc. Instead, however, I felt like I "should" have already known all that stuff...so I didn't ask. Who got hurt by not asking for help? Only me. I'm sure my friends would have been more than happy to show me what they knew. In fact, they probably would have taken me asking as a compliment! But my ego--my feeling that I "should" already know the material--got in my way and I didn't. It takes courage to put our ego aside and ask for help. A technique I like to use is to think of it like this: Before you ask for something, you don't have it anyway, whether that thing is a physical object you want or an answer to a question you have. If the person you ask says no, you didn't lose anything--you still don't have the thing. But if they say yes, you've gained something. In other words, you have nothing to lose (except maybe a momentarily bruised ego) and everything to gain by asking for what you want. It's a funny thing about human emotion: it's very difficult to feel grateful and angry at the same time.
As we go about daily life, it's easy to get caught up in the day-to-day occurrences. We get stuck in traffic and are late to school. Our teacher gives a pop quiz. Our friend says something to hurt our feelings. Just as we've learned that we can control our reaction to situations, we can also choose to view life from a different starting place: one of gratitude. What does it mean to live life from a place of gratitude? There's a saying you may have heard: "Don't sweat the small stuff". Well, in the heat of the moment, this is often easier said than done. When your teacher announces that pop quiz and you don't feel prepared, that doesn't feel like small stuff. However, in the scheme of your whole life, when you look at the big picture, is that moment going to affect you? Ten years from now, will you look back on that pop quiz, that rude comment from your best friend, that day you were late to school, as being a huge event in your life? Probably not. When I find myself "sweating the small stuff", I like to ask myself that exact question: "Ten years from now, will this truly matter?" If the answer is no, file it under the small stuff category. Does this mean it's not important to study, to be nice to our friends or to be on time to school? Of course not. It simply means it's important to keep things in perspective, to see what's important in the big picture of life. When we do this, we can begin to focus on what's truly important. We can begin to live from a place of gratitude. Here's a technique to try when you feel yourself sweating the small stuff: 1. Ask yourself: "Will this matter in ten years" 2. If not, choose a more beneficial reaction (see Life Skillz #2) 3. Ask yourself: "What is important now?" 4. Remind yourself why you're grateful for those things In time, the goal is to live life with a constant focus on the important things, to live from this place of gratitude. Here's a personal example: As you are well aware by now ;), I go to the gym every day after school. A few weeks ago, I got stuck in a 2 hour traffic jam, causing me to miss my gym time. To say I was initally frustrated is an understatement. Here's how I handled it: 1. I had this convo in my head: "I'm frustrated. I had my whole workout planned in my head and now I'm going to miss it. This is a bummer. You know what though? Fitness is a lifestyle for me. There's no end date by which I need to "get in better shape". This is an every day thing, so this one day will not "make or break" me. Am I going to stop going to the gym because I missed one day? No. Am I using this traffic as an excuse to get out of going to the gym? Definitely not. Will missing this one day because of traffic matter in ten years? Nope. 2. I thought about what I'm grateful for: Some people can't exercise due to health reasons. I'm extremely fortunate that I have the ability to work out as hard as I choose to. Some people work multiple jobs, making finding time to work out very difficult. I'm fortunate to have a job that I love and that allows me time to work out after work. 3. I turned on an audiobook about forming habits and enjoyed the book while I waited in traffic. By focusing on the things for which I am grateful, I immediately relaxed and settled in to the situation. When we get in the habit of living from this place of gratitude, it helps us to focus on the big picture of what's important. It helps us to choose a better reaction when things don't go as planned. Most of all, it makes us happier, more genuine human beings. When things in life don't go as planned, it's natural to feel disappointed, upset or even angry.
What does it mean to take ownership?
Consider the following scenario: You arrive to band class the day of a playing quiz and realize your instrument is still in the trunk of your mom's car. You know that band policy is that you will receive a 0 if you do not have an instrument on quiz day. How do you react? A) You come up to Ms. Slotnick and say, "My mom forgot to take my instrument out of the car. I can't take my quiz." B) You come up to Ms. Slotnick and say, "I forgot to take my instrument out of my mom's car. I'm sorry. I understand that the policy is for me to receive a 0. Next time, I will keep my instrument on my lap or near my feet in the car to ensure this never happens again." Which answer do you think will gain you more respect? Which answer will gain you more trust? When we make excuses, when we place blame, we are denying ownership of the situation. However, when we choose to take ownership, to take responsibility for our actions, we do much more than just step up and admit what we did wrong. Let's look at option B: First, there was the statement of taking ownership: "I forgot to take my instrument out of the car." Then, there was an apology. You weren't asked to apologize; you took the initiative to do so yourself. Finally, you gave a solution to ensure the issue is fixed for next time. Taking ownership, as in Option B, shows maturity and self-awareness. It shows the other person involved that you are aware of what happened, you take responsibility for it, you are sorry and-perhaps most importantly-you have a plan to fix it for next time. Imagine the respect you will earn and the trust you will build with others with the simple act of taking ownership. Hi Wonderful Band Family.
If you're been in band for more than a year (more than a day, really), you've probably heard me say the following: "It doesn't matter if I teach math, science, English or music...music just happens to be what my background is in. To me, teaching is about finding kids at an age that can be confusing and helping to mold them into good human beings." This is my teaching philosophy...it's why I teach. In band, we do more than learn about notes and rhythms and how to make sounds on our instruments. We learn about how to better ourselves as human beings, to be a valuable part of a team and family and how to build habits that help us be the best version of ourselves. This Life Skillz blog is intended to not only help you, the students, stay reminded of the skills we discuss in class, but to keep your parents involved in the process. Developing habits takes time, focus and energy. When your family is aware of your goals, when they know what you're working on as an individual, they can support you on that journey. So...let's get rolling on our life skillz! |
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October 2017
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